Saturday, November 15, 2008

To Write or Not to Write.....

           I have still been grappling with the question of how much I am willing to devote to really trying to get a story published either as book or a play. I somehow think it will just pop out of my head and I will sit down for 8 hours and I will finish it. However, when it boils down to it, creating a professional piece of work takes a lot of time and commitment, and I am scared to commit out of fear that it will be horrible and my fantasy of being an "Author" will be shattered and this idea I have that I can write well and that I have talent and that I have a lot of interesting stories to tell is all just a misconception, a delusion, blah, blah, blah..... Which somehow reminds me of one of my favorite songs of late, the Girl Who Won't Get Up, by The Sea of Is, while I sit here listening to my Beautiful World by Colin Hay station on Pandora.
             At my mother's house I found a few pieces of my writing from 6th grade and college. In 6th grade I wrote the following poem...Now remember..I was 11, so I apologize in advance for the rhymey, rhymey thing...
                                                       A Wish.....

                                    A mermaid is a special thing
                                        She has the ocean as her home
                                        The colors of the rainbow are her tail
                                        She can play, swim and roam,
                                        This is what I wish to be....

                                        A bird is free, it can fly,
                                        It has the boundaries of the sky.
                                        A bird has beauty, it can sing
                                        A bird has the luxury of a pair of wings,
                                        This is what I wish to be...

                                        A human is a special thing,
                                        It has a brain, it has voice,
                                        A human can laugh, cry or sing,
                                        A human is able to make a choice
                                        This is what I wish to be......

                                        All these things I wish to be,
                                        To own the sky, to own the sea,
                                        I wish I were 6ft. tall!
                                        But I like being human best of all.....

                 This is definitely a school girl's voice and I have always wanted to be taller but it still only reinforces why I love traveling so much and I love the mountains because when I am on a mountain top, I don't have wings, and I don't own the universe but it is the closest thing to feeling like a bird I guess besides sky diving or paragliding but I definitely feel free, not tied down and part of something bigger...I guess even as an 11 year old I had those thoughts.....And when I was at my mother's house I thought of my thoughts being home the summer after graduating from college and it was more filled with fear than excitement and I realized I have traveled and done far more things than I ever thought I would, but at the same time because of all those experiences I want more of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I heard someone bring up the saying, "do things you fear and courage will follow" and Meghan in her blog brought up the question, "What would you attempt to do if you  knew you wouldn't fail?" At first I couldn't come up with anything, then a few days later I realized, "yeah, I would totally put all the time into writing a book if I KNEW, it, and I, would be a SUCCESS". And Olga in her blog, has this quote, "If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place". SO I took a step and found out about the Stories and Wine Festival, from Julie Saltzman of the Uptown Writers Space. The Stories and Wine people have a submission deadline of December 1st for 1800 words, according to my calculations about 8 pages of writing or 10 minutes of reading. So my slacker excuse now is that I need to find a place where I am calm to write, in my apartment the To Do List constantly pops up in my head, get a more substantial job, work on the magazine, clean, bills, find a new recipe, cook something, email someone, network, call people, organize, phaff....I guess the Chicago, grey sky weather puts me in hunker down mode and I have to look at things like this Pacific Trails calendar for 2009, with the breath taking scenery that people actually do run through, to keep in mind the possibilities that exist if I put my energies into it....
             Meanwhile my left wrist has been sore so I am taking a few days break from yoga... I am not sure how I did it but I thought a zillion pushups on my left wrist was not a good thing right now...And a short run The Jingle Bell Jog is on the agenda for December and I have not signed up for the Huff 50K but am close to going for it......
                                                         JB




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