Friday, February 27, 2009

TIme to Buck Up and I Heart Ashtanga

Well, after reading this entry by the AWG ( Angry White Guy, Saturday Feb. 21)  where he writes that a real job contains three important elements: a sense of personal autonomy/accountability, a degree of complexity, and a solid connection between effort and reward. It does not contain: a paper hat or a cash register that has food symbols on it instead of numbers. Take the job that you want. Find a job that seems like it will be challenging, fulfilling and pays you some kind of wage and then work hard to do it well. If you take a job because it gives you benefits(and that is the main reason to take the job) then all you will have at the end of the day is benefits.

My original goal was to have a change of employment by the end of February. As I have said in the past, I kind of like parts of my retail job, I like the product, I get along with the people but the pay is completely ridiculously low, not just a little low, stupid low. So I HAVE to change. The magazine I have been working on, Edible Chicago, I love working on but it is a labor of love and soul not money. So I have to change strategy and change jobs ASAP and I just have to buck up and do it. I would love to take a job where they will give me some room to get up to speed in Powerpoint among other programs. I like working at a computer and I like designing things so I think I would like working on presentations and making them snappy. 

Meanwhile, I LOVE ashtanga and the Primary Series, it is better than going to a therapist, having a glass of wine, eating great food, it sounds very corny but ashtanga is food for the soul, incredibly trite but true. At the end of the day what do we have but our bodies and the Primary Series connects me with myself, physically and mentally and empties my cache(brain) of all the stuff that has accumulated during the day and maybe it is because I have some great teachers, Bill Shapleigh, Tom Quinn and I just took Daylene Christensen's class, and of course, Paul Weiss ( who leads the class from a real loving but humorous place). And I am seeing improvements, I was born with squirrel arms so I will never have the long fluid look but my legs are slowly but surely getting to a place where I can do a full lotus pose, my backbends are getting much better that I think soon I will be able to stand up by myself, my handstands are getting better and even there is hope now that I might be able to do a bind, like Marichyasana A, my hands still don't reach each other but each time I get closer and it is a metaphor for how things are going in my life, even though I have major job and economic issues, I feel like I am get closer to a positive resolution. At least for today, I feel the universe is a benevolent place and compassionate place.

I still work on the Jagged Edge bit by bit as well. I have a lot of scenarios I need to elaborate on but I still haven't come to any idea of what the plot will be. My latest idea is that the heroine/main character of the story, checks out(in more ways than one) people at the register and is able to visualize their dirty laundry, like an asian woman who comes in wearing a black fur coat,  pointy boots with spiked metal heels, and a black eye disguised with makeup and the man with her , who has a completely bald head with scabs on it, tall and big wearing a trench coat and small, tortoise shell glasses is actually a sadist or a nondescript, thin, soft spoken man with a pock marked face buying a jacket who uses a credit card from a computer company and she can see through him that he actually loves little boys or a father that comes in shopping with his very attractive daughter and at the checkout counter caresses her face and our character realizes the father is actually molesting the daughter and our character looks at the father and he looks at her and they both know she knows and he scowls, pays and walks away.  My output is so low at the moment, Joe Janes continues to write a sketch a day at 365sketches, Meghan is just about done her thesis, at least I can write a few sentences a day, a paragraph maybe, I guess when I get home my mind gets preoccupied and is not in a place to write. I am just great at EXCUSES......My point for writing it, is to show people how active the human mind can be and that people are not alone in their own thoughts and anxieties, that it is part of the human condition. And to show how we all have so many layers to our personalities, some more than others and how much courage it takes for some to let people into those deeper layers. I think that is why I feel so comfortable selling outerwear and wearing outerwear, it is protective and comforting and how the people who seem most confident sometimes hide awful things about themselves behind these layers and the people who think the worst about themselves sometimes have the most to be proud of and they just don't know it. 

Well, this post has tons of contradictions, bucking up on one hand and on the other working inward, but that is me, full of contradictions. One of my new or renewed actions of late is to support my friends and acquaintances, I helped a friend leave the hospital after a test because he was required to have someone take him home and I am going to start tutoring disadvantaged kids once a week for 1 and 1/2 hours, and I like to support fellow(what is the female version of fellow??)bloggers in their writing efforts.  And my running, has been very minimal of late, today is a grey sky but I hope to get out and at least breath a little outside air, I don't know how fresh it is considering I live in a city. I continue to feel like I am on the edge of the ledge but I have confidence that I can maintain my BALANCE for now!!!!!!!!
             JB

2 comments:

Femin Susan said...

How awesome! Thanks for sharing!
I really enjoyed reading this post. Keep writing..

Cat said...

Yoga is so hard for me - because I like to move and holding the posese means I need to have patiences - slowly bend into the move and that for me is so hard...